| Back to the basics |
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| 02:58pm 05/02/2003 |
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mood:  listless music: ramones
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Now that I disowned my xanga, and I still need to expresss myself in writing, I am now resorting back to her dear livejournal so ANYONE can comment =).
I've just been thinking about parents a lot recently. I truly believe that one's childhood and relationship w/ one's parents are the cornerstone for all of one's relationships in life. My father is sometimes an ass..therefore I feel the need to be a bitch to males in general before they can hurt me. My parents and I hardly communicate...therefore, I have a hard time talking about my "feelings"..in person anyways. My parents hold racial prejudices that I cannot agree with, but they make me feel ashamed of people I like or admire. As a result, I don't share my opinions often for fear of criticism.
I love my parents..but if i'm in therapy later in life..i'll know why.
on a side note, i got pics back from camp and remember how much i gained from it. I want to go back for a session possibly..but who knows where i'll be.
'
gosh, i'll NEVER meet ppl like them again. The ones that i actually got to know are definitely one of a kind. i miss them so much. I feel lucky.
OOOOOH YEA! today, i got notification that me and 3 other special people are going to TRL on FEB 18! Though I'm not proud of my teenie bopper moments, I am so excited!! i hope there are good bands!
so who to take? =/ |
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| dah dah dah |
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| 10:34pm 23/09/2002 |
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mood:  scared music: only the sorrows of my head
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Oh I have not posted in a while...merely for the reason that a) no one will read it and b) My life is boring.
Well i've been doing much thinking..mostly about school, college, teachers, future and friends...just the usual mind-fucking issues that get you feeling claustrophobic. Ah its all jacobsen's fault...the point is, why should we, as high schoolers, feel the need to attend college when it does not necessarily prove to be necessary or even worthy of the 160k we spend on it? Bah!
I wish so many things...superficial and emotional. does it ever feel like everyone is moving on without you and you are stuck with yourself...still the 17 year old nitwit that you have come to hate? of course, i am talking about myself. Such a hypocrite i am. Jen is all talk, no action. Damn that passiveness...or lack of motivation. Damn the world!!
my life is good. too bad i dont see it that way.
if 9 ppl are applying to cornell from my school alone, how many will get in? 2 or 2? =/
bumble fuck |
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| update |
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| 07:59pm 09/09/2002 |
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mood:  irate
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i have not updated in a while, i figure no one is reading it..but heres what's going on w/ my boring boring life:
well school sucks..i am never in the "thinking" mood; i just want to get things over with and get thru the day. For some reason, i suddenly feel like the stupid one in the class. On top of that, i gotta study for the sats again, fill out college apps to colleges that i cant get into, and tons of assignments that seniors should not have to do. ((sigh)) I am also sick =( i feel like i cant breathe very well.
grrr
why do i ask to put extra jalepenos when i take them out? =/ |
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| quizzes revisited |
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| 09:28pm 30/08/2002 |
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mood:  gloomy music: Gangsta' Lovin--eve f. alicia keyes
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*walks into a pole*
which mr. men/little miss are you?
take the quiz & find out! :)
quiz made by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jaded_dazey
durf..what else would i get? this is JEN!
LiveJournal
Trading Cards
Free Account Edition
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sugarh1gh
User Number: 446743
Date Created:1-22-02
Number of Posts: 119
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| Jennifer is the quintessential slacker, passive-aggressive outgoing hermit. Her favorite pastime is sitting, staring and drooling even when she isn't asleep! Amazing! With so many talents, Jen hopes to become a highly successful _____ when she grows up! |
| Strengths: ability to do nothing for 23 hours straight, performs a poor rendition of the harlem shake, can fake a smile, appreciates the little things in life, even if they are ugly, loves unconditionally |
| Weaknesses: Flawed perfectionist, compulsive, inability to acknowledge poor attributes, hypocrite, masochist, mediocre (even though secretly, she believes she is the BEST) |
| Special Skills: Can give "nice-sounding" advice, master hugger, gives a shit no matter who or what, appreciates fine music, scatterbrain |
| Weapons: vampire teeth, all appendages for maximum damage, can fling poop, BAD WORDS!! wooo be afraid! |
| Motto and Pet Peeves: Motto: Shoot for the Moon. Even if you fail, you'll be lost in outer space and too confused to know you're a failure.
Pet peeves: waking up |
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Make your own LiveJournal Trading Card!
Brought to you by crossfire_
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| learning |
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| 10:29pm 23/08/2002 |
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mood:  full music: Nada
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Since I have returned home, I realized that not too much has changed in my life--i still wake up after noon, my heart still accelerates when I see an insect, and I'm still as weird, whimsical and insecure as I was before I left. Sadly, I am a little disappointed. My thoughts keep returning to camp though. The people I met, and hopefully keep in touch with, and the kids that I call "my boys" despite my constant and passionate barrage of insults I declare when referring to them. Throughout camp, I kept forgetting why these kids were here: because what we are giving them, the opportunity to forget their worries and familial abuse. It was so difficult to remember that they were homeless because the constant bantering about their playstation 2's and gamecubes. Yet, during their endless stay at Kiwago, their only mentions of family were shocking, to say the least--about murder in the family, runaway siblings, drug and sexual proliferation...I definitely had a rude awakening. Though it was hard to realize, I had to force myself to believe that even though they cursed and abused me, there was a reason behind it...something in their not-so-innocent childhood factored into their crude and abusive behavior. I love those kids, despite....I did walk away with a poor rendition of the harlem shake, lanyard-making skills, new slang words and a few friends that will remind me everyday of my summer '02.
((Happy birthday to ali and pooj!!))
Jen |
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| jen |
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| 09:48pm 20/08/2002 |
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mood:  exhausted music: none
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Yay! i'm back from Hell aka camp kiwago!! hehe well i have so much to say..it seems to be all just cluttered in my head =/ I dunno...i feel different and i have no regrets despite the constant physical and mental abuse from the staff and children. I've grown..how so? I realli have no specific idea..but I know i have..its odd. But i'm glad to be home. I miss all those who have loved me there: michele, marijo, lizzy, melanie, sonita, robyn, nicki, jake, dan, leonard, mellissa, simon, kendra, greg, carlos, julie, joy u, tamara (my moulin rouge gang), amy p, anny, and everyone else who kept me sane!!
WHat has Jen learned?
-patience
-tolerance
-understanding
-kids are lil shits
-bribery works
-lanyard
-harlem shake
-all the words to "hot in herre"
-just dont bother!!
-giving and getting hugs does help
-ppl do give a shit
-ppl dont give a shit (some)
-sunscreen and bugspray is important
-beans and franks is disgusting
-ghetto "macy's" has cool shit
-kiwago is ____
-its impossible to read/study there
-11 year old kids HAVE HAD SEX
-be sensitive despite.... |
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| GUess who's back?? back again.... |
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| 03:42pm 31/07/2002 |
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mood:  peaceful music: real world
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JEN IS!!
i kno everyone missed me very very much.!! woohoo! 2nd session was MUCH MUCH better than first..the kids were alot better and I'm getting paid!! woohoo!! i'm so grotesque and dark now...the facilities are still gross and its even worse when you get bob there.....god! many ppl still suck and there were moments of pure chaos, but generally, i was happy. if anyone called, i lost (or someone stole) my phone cards, so i couldnt call nebody!! sorry!! next session, i'm gonna be a counselor (getting paid again!!) for girls....BUT I LOVE WORKING WITH THE BOYS!! my TAKINI boys!! sniff sniff....whiney bitchy girls. Good god! oh well..nothing much has happened..i'm just different..alrite so thats it! lubs to all |
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| jen's back from hell |
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| 08:05pm 12/07/2002 |
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mood: exhausted music: none
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hey to the one person that reads this...i'm back from camp kiwago...aka the hellhole w/ little satan's spawn running amuck throughout the sticky mosquito ridden stench of verbal, mental and physical abuse. Plus, i'm not exaggerating. This experience had made me cry many a times, and i constantly wonder, "who would put themselves in this position to be ABUSED for FREE??" Yet despite being called a "fuckin dicksucker, you fuckin bitch, shut the fuck up" by the "children", i think this experience has been ...er...good. hopefully, i have become stronger because of this, stronger, more patient and more tolerant to abuse. Because I am consistently tortured with no consequences on their part, I need to suck up my anguish and stress,and endure. I have changed. The pettiness of society, of civilization, does not seem to penetrate into worries anymore. When you are forced to absorb the abuse and express a smile while cleaning up pissed-drenched blankets and the fuckin mess left to you alone at dinner (trust me, these "kids" eat with their fuckin thumbs) and receiving absolutely no consolation for your efforts, you have changed.. I am so tired rite now. looking back on the past 3 weeks, i cannot frown. I am proud that I have survived, for I am not lying about my experience. I have had near mental breakdowns. And I am alone. Though I am totally disgusting at this moment, I feel like I have actually accomplished something and i hope i do not forget this experience. in a few days, i will leave again--leave to accept abuse, forced to clean, watch, talk, sleep, wake up, realize, and cry. The simplest commands (hey anthony, frankie, can you please go up to lunch) takes me at least 15 minutes cuz they love to struggle with you. And there are no consequences to their actions (unless they KILL someone)...i have been bitten, had rocks thrown at me, taken several punches, had been racially insulted, and been down to me knees in frustration. But what...I learned how to blow a whistle with an acorn, learned to do lanyard and magic tricks, learned to be tolerant and patient. Was it worth it?? who the fuck knows. All i know is that, retrospectively, i do not regret this experience. I don't. I am so tired. I look black now. Most likely, i have skin cancer. Bah!
love to all who wrote or called. I do appreciate it. And those who didn't, I realized now that I shouldn't care.
Jen |
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| my last and only journal for the summer |
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| 11:15am 24/06/2002 |
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mood:  bored music: chipmunks and bees
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Hey guys! I'm in camp...and I"M ENDURING!! i stress that alot cuz its soooo fuckin hot, buggy, miserable up here! and i havent really gotten close to neone so its pretty lonely. sniff sniff...i miss everyone sooo much! this is my 20 minute break and some more orientation crap. oh well...happy birthday to me..no one realli cares up here...i hope ppl will start being more friendly once the kids come..so many rules and stuff...but i'm gonna survive and hopefully have fun! its only been 3 days...yea so lub ya guys so much! off to wilderness ( i think we're having hotdog and bean pudding AGAIN)....sigh......
PS! there is a ORLI look alike up here...but strict rules....no DATING! hahaha ...but he is SO HOT! hehe no accent tho...sigh |
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| before I go |
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| 11:01pm 21/06/2002 |
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mood:  enthralled
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OOOOOH my fuckin god! I had SUCH A GREAT TIME TODAY!!!!! I realized what AWESOME friends i have..seriously..i mite not deserve you guys! THANK YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS AND I'LL MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH WHEN I LEAVE TO CAMP! you GUYS! sniff sniff....cali pizza was fun (even tho we didnt have time to eat) and minority report was soooo fuckin goood!!!!! such a memorable nite...all thanks to you guys! i appreciate our friendship so much, and if I EVER EVER take you for granted, slap me across the face! i love you guys so much!!!!
Joyce- tHANKS sooooooo much for the huge card! i DO REMEMBER SAYING THAT I WANTED ONE!! hahahah i remember! reading it was soooo long! haha and it was mostly about ur bois! but I LOVED IT! and when i opened the action figure, i was likeee OHH MY FUCKIN GOD! i couldnt take my smile off my face for so long!!!! i'm bringing it to camp so it could "protect" me w/ its daggers and arrows!!!!! lol! and thanks for the felicity CD, you know how much i miss that show! thank you thank you for the hat (bringing it to camp too) and the lipgloss.....(hahaha and the picture of my head!!) hahah Youre the BESTEST!! (ROAD TO PERDITION IN JULY!!!!)
Alison-THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE FCUK shirt! its our fav storeee! yeehaw! hahahah u just know me tooo well dont u??? It was mitey sweet and i'm so sad we wont see each other til august 20....(thanks for belating ur bday party for me!) btw, have u figured out what to do w/ kevin??? lol
Kav! I really liked the pres! thanks thanks thanks! good use!!!! misssss ya soooooo much! u have no ideaaaaa.....
NUBBBBESS!!!! hahah We're "best friends!" haha luv the funnie mug and the candle (and the money) hehehe YOU ARE THE FUNNIEST!! NOT ME!!!!!! i'll miss ya so much! ur so much fun! byeeeeeee *tear tear*
PPPPPOOOOOOOOJA!!!! LOVED THE BAG!! it seemed last minute ahem but very very useful...very very cute! i'm gonna miss our gw moments and everything!! dont have too much fun w/ the cadavers!!!!
ROOOOOMA! thanks so much for the xpress shirt!! thats OUR STOREEE! very very cute!! i'll miss you sooooo much, and all our fun together! finally got to see ur house and all! lub ya!!!
CAtherine!!! awwwww have fun in cali and dont come back like a valley girl!! hehee thanks sooooo much for the bag...its sooooo cute cute! i'm bringing it w/ me to camp cuz its just so cute and useful! gonna miss ya lots!
To jackie, monica, erlene, lily, diana, cristina, mimi, jane, steph, nicks, sam, michelle, jen, amanda, lis, tc-ers, and everyone else!!!!! i'll miss ya and lubs to you!
*jen*
PS: MINORITY REPORT ROCKEDDDDDD! |
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| god |
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| 12:58pm 21/06/2002 |
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mood:  melancholy music: nothing
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today is suppose to be MY day before I leave..dinner and movie w/ friends in celebration of my 17th birthday. Instead, I went to school to find my finals/regents grades, and I started crying. When I saw my physics grade, I was horrified...and I started crying like a little baby with my mom staring at me from the car. I CANT BELIEVE I DID SO BAD ON IT! Not 80s bad...not even 70s bad...but that lil area between right above failure. I'm still so upset...i've never gotten below a 90 on a regents, let alone nearly failing. I really hope the school board decides to rescore or curve..I never imagined I would be such a total failure. On the other hand, I was one of 3 students who got 100 on US and something like a 98/99 on english. Yet that fuckin Physics grade cannot escape my mind. I started crying in front of everybody...god....what a fuckin shit day.
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| its over |
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| 07:29pm 20/06/2002 |
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mood:  loved music: shrek
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now i can breathe! all my finals/regents are finally over (and hopefully i passed them but i'm not sure about physics..grrrr)..anyways, i dont give the shit nemore! I'm a SENIOR!!!! Plus plus, i'm leaving saturday, and my birthday is monday! wooohoo! thanks to my bosom buddies for today...it was fun =) g/l to those taking chem tomorrow!
JC |
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| i'm gonna miss |
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| 08:05pm 19/06/2002 |
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mood:  indescribable music: californication rhcp
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Aw Jen is leaving in 2 days and not coming back! muahaha..i kno ur gonna miss ur lil quirky jen, but u can always call or write! I'm gonna miss:
You, my family, friends, sleeping in late, cable modem, internet, charmin ultra, long hot showers, privacy, independence, "jen time", satellite dish, a state of relative bug lessity, cleanliness, laziness, freedom, my warm bed and blanket, my room...everything!
Off to the wilderness we go! and yes i'm very excited!
Jen B.
Come friday!
![What Seven Deadly Sin Are YOU? [?]](http://www.sakuracardz.com/questionmark/sevensinslust.gif) | You're LUST! Sex, sex, sex! It's all you think about! You're not opposed to having more than one boy/girlfriend, and you're very flirtatious. You're represented by the color blue. |
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really? me? lustful? hehe
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| whew math is over |
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| 11:57am 17/06/2002 |
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mood: nervous music: Real World marathon.....zzzzz
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math is over! whewwwwww.....it was alrite..not too shabby. now for physics, 2 days of english and US history. Boo..
GRR Someone is warning my account but i have no idea who or how!Now i'm DOWN to 69%
Plus i would like to add that some tc ppl are major asses and should stick their scrawny lil fingers up their asses for being such asses. ((notice the repetition)) ;)
I am so glad i'm not going to be here anymore~! ppl ppl! write to me please! or at least email...its gonna get mitey lonely up there in the wilderness!
Jen's turning 17! Holla back! ::woowoo::
I had the strangest dream about ___..hrm i wonder if it means nething...::giggles uncontrollably:: LOL
Jen b.
Which flock do you follow?
this quiz was made by alanna |
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| such a freak |
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| 06:30pm 15/06/2002 |
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mood:  recumbent music: Soundgarden
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I have problems...all psychological...
--Do you ever want something, and then when you get it, you freak out and run away?--
--Are you so indecisive that you force other people to make decisions for you, and then complain about it?--
--Are you over-melodramatic for your own good?--
--Do you ever KNOW the answer to something but much too shy or insecure to speak up, and then someone else says it and thinks theyre the fuckin king of the intellectual world, then bitch about it??--
--Do you often find yourself in an awkward silence?--
--Do you open your mouth at inappropriate times?--
--Do you tend to overanalyze things, or forget them completely?--
--Do you tend to be overly sensitive and cry about everything? (might just be the hormones..haha)--
if you answered (yes) to any of the precedings, you are scientifically diagnosed with "JENNOSTROPHY"
Seek treatment =l
on another note
Next Monday is my 17th birthday. Celebrate with me. *throws confetti* Oh me oh my! what a day!
Jen b. |
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| the last day of school |
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| 09:28pm 13/06/2002 |
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mood:  happy music: Offspring://Pretty Fly for a White GUy
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WHooooHOOOOOOO! Today was the last day of school..yet it almost didn't feel like it. This was the highlights of my day (although I AM rather boring..blah blah)
~ Went to senior awards [depressing cuz i KNOW i will not get any next year]
~ Me, Jackie, Allison and Heather made signs RATING ppl and sat at the cafetaria window giving them numbers..[ahem..most ppl got -1, but teachers got 1o.5+ esp if i have them next year!] It was soooooooo FUCKIN FUN! i never had so much fun in my life...I didnt wanna go...but I had to go to US. It was soooooo hilarious how ppl reacted...a bunch of freshmans actually went to the computer lab and printed out 0's and gave US zeroes! haha
~party in raj's and 17/17 on curran's pop quiz
~going to JOyces! oh my god....this girl is soooooooo fucked up...she laughed at eVERYTHING i said...she needs some valium or depressants...it was hilarious! fun fun pasting kav's and poojers heads w/ their guys!!!! lol!
now i'm home...happy, feelin' complete and still alil burdened about next week! sigh sigh sigh...hopefully i get about 90 on my finals...
jen b. |
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| schedule for SENIOR YEAR BABY!!! |
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| 08:43pm 11/06/2002 |
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mood:  cranky music: Avril Lavigne://Complicated
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eh..some disappointments...ESPECIALLY LAGNADO! killll me!
here it goes:
First semester:
Blue/Silver
1-AP US GOV (Cillis)
2-Off/Gym
3-AP Lit (Lagnado) (shoot me now please!teacher from hell)
4-Economics (Kramer)
5-AP Chem (Hughes)/ Free
6-AP Chem
7-Lunch
8-AP Calculus A/B (Teseo)
9-Sociology (Jacobsen)
Second semester:
1-AP US GOV (Cillis)
2-Free
3-AP Lit (Lagnado) (shoot me now please!teacher from hell)
4-Free
5-AP Chem (Hughes)/ Free
6-AP Chem
7-Forensics (Azzara)
8-AP Calculus A/B (Teseo)
9-Gym (Rozone!)/Free
*if anyone I didn't talk to already wanna tell me what classes they share w/ me (or feel like bitching about lagnado) feel free to leave me a msg... |
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| 11:16pm 10/06/2002 |
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mood: nervous music: Perforated Truth
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its (almost) my birthday and I'll cry if I want to! =*
*very disappointed in some people...you should never expect so much* |
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chipper
